JUST SAY NO: But not all the time

"Yes." "Sure." "No problem." The words are out of your mouth before the reality or the enormity of the commitment you make registers. You realize too late that you don't want or don't have the time to do what you've taken on. You neither wish to babysit a friend or sibling's difficult or delightful children, nor do you have time to walk someone's pesky dog. You wonder how you got roped into an extra office assignment or the arrangements for a coworker's farewell party. “How does this happen to me so often?” you ask. If you're not wondering, maybe you should.

When you were two years old, you had little difficulty shouting, "No!" but slowly the word no was drilled out of you. The more you said no, the angrier your parents got. Your teachers found no unacceptable. If you said no when you were older, you were afraid of losing a parent or friend's loyalty or love. No doubt, some of that apprehension has carried over into your adult life. (Dr. Susan Newman, The Book of No)

So here I am, the pastor of a congregation, a volunteer organization that depends entirely upon people saying ‘yes.’ Why on earth would I even touch upon such a subject? Am I crazy? I should be pounding the pulpit talking about duty and loyalty and commitment. Instead, I find myself observing a sea of over-committed, over-extended, busy, crazed individuals, not least of all our children and youth upon whom we project our expectations for success and perfection; or to whom we say ‘yes’ because we are afraid a ‘no’ might destroy them, crushing their little hopes and dreams.

Our society is crazy-busy, and our culture is manic with activity. Even the planet is over-extended (and letting us know quite loudly as I write this with a category 5 hurricane by the name of Dean doing its damage in Mexico). I think the tensions we experience in organizations and families have their genesis in our over-extension. I think the global extremities we are experiencing come from the over-use and over-extension of the planet. What we need to do as individuals, and as a culture, and as a planet is slow down and cut back; cut back on activity; cut back on consumption; cut back on expectations; and cut back on life in general.

I don’t want anyone to say ‘yes’ to me, or to this congregation without prayerfully and meditatively reflecting upon what is in his or her heart. We need to ask ourselves whether or not this is a passion, an innate energy for the task at hand. Will the work to which we are being invited refresh us, renew us, and energize us, or is it a drain on our very souls? When you can honestly tell me you are doing what you are doing because you find true joy in it – hallelujah! Guilt is not an option, not a motivation for saying ‘yes.’ Our health and well-being as individuals, and as a congregation, are at stake.

So, if you need to say ‘no,’ and you actually sat it, you will be truly blessed. And if you find it within yourself to say ‘yes’ and say it with true joy in your heart, you will also be truly blessed. It is a win/win situation.